Kismet, smiling, it's a small world, and the heart of the Serbian people

By Linda Woodard

I am a die-hard fan of Serbia and its people, plain and simple. Since my first visit there in 2005, I tried to "spread the word" about what I had seen and experienced via word of mouth only, never thinking to do it virtually like so many now are. But none-the-less, since it is now so common, I would like to impart a few of my experiences when I was in Serbia...experiences that have changed my life.

1. Kismet: I think we all know when it happens, and I would like to share one of my kismet experiences that surrounded a place called The American Corner which for those of you who may not be familiar with it, is an educational/cultural liaison between the people of Serbia and America that is sponsored by the US Embassy and the Belgrade library system. After my first visit in 2005, I knew I would be on going back the following year but this time for a month, so I thought the best way would be to get an apartment. I found one on Svetozara Markovica that seemed perfect, so I secured it. Meanwhile on message board, I saw a post asking if any Americans were in Belgrade who would have time to talk to locals on various subjects. I responded, saying that I wasn't there now, but would be in June and would love to do something like this. She wrote back and told me about The American Corner and asked how many times I could do this as she makes schedules a month in advance. I wrote and told her it would depend on how far away it was from me and gave her my address. She wrote back in shock as was I when I read her note. It seems that my apt. was just 2 doors away from the Corner. We were both like WHAT are the chances of this happening in such a metropolis with millions of people and hundreds of apartments to rent? It obviously was meant "to be" as this organization has become an important part of my life from making solid friendships that are now 6 years old; to making me money as I met an author who needed an editor for his novel that he had written in English, and here I was an American English/literature teacher who was "a friend of a friend"; to getting a teaching job when I was there in 2007; and to helping a friend get my teaching job when I left. I really think that kismet (and here I mean one's fate or destiny and not luck as it is sometimes defined) does happen for a reason.

2. Smiling: Kat has mentioned a few times in her articles here that Serbs need to smile more; not the "fake" smiles, but those that radiate from the eyes, and I want to add, from the heart. See, Americans smile a lot and even at strangers which is one trait that most of my exchange students seem to notice about us right away, and it is the one trait that Serbs seemed to notice about me right away as my friends would often tease me saying: "DO you see how people know you are not from here? It's because you are friendly and smile at everyone if you know them or not." And this smiling at people has made for many happy memories like this one. I had arrived in Belgrade on a cloudy, Sunday afternoon, and by evening it was raining lightly, but that didn't deter me as I wanted to see "my" city. As I stopped at a light, people were crossing against it due to the rain and the little traffic, but I remained on the curb as did a man next to me, so I looked at him and smiled, shrugging my shoulders and said in English that I guess we were the only to "follow the rules" thinking he may know English as he was under 40. He smiled back, and we chatted for a bit until the light changed; he then crooked his arm for me as a gentleman does for his lady, and I put my arm through his, and we crossed the street, laughing. As we continued to talk/walk arm- in-arm, he asked if I would like to go for coffee; however, I couldn't as friends were coming over, but I thanked him and smiled, and he smiled back. Now this may not be something earth-shattering, but it made a memory for me, and I still chuckle as I think of him graciously putting out his arm for me, a stranger, and me putting my arm through his, no longer one and all because of a smile.

3. It's a small world: How many of you believe in six degrees of separation of have played the Kevin Bacon game based on it? It always amazes me that more often than not, it is true; however, with the advent of the internet, I often wonder if it now is 2-4 degrees. And because of that, I want to share two stories: one occurring due to the net, and the other occurring just because it is life. The one due to the net happened in 2008, when I went to Belgrade for only 8 days, and since it was so short, I stayed with a friend. I fell in love with a bakery that was a block away from where I was staying, so I would stop in once a day as I trekked back home. The man behind the counter and I began to talk as he had left Jersey to come back home to live 2 years ago. Before I left, we decided to continue to get to know each other online, so I gave him my email address. He looked at it and then at me again, and smiled with a shocked look on his face said: ‘You live 3 blocks from the ocean and you have 3 cats. Your youngest is in college and on a football scholarship. Your chat name is Americanwoman... something." All I could say was "WHAT?? How did you all of this?" He then told me his chat name, and it rang a bell with me. We had been chat buddies for almost a year before he decided he wanted to return home, and we just lost touch. He had grown a beard and gained some weight as that is why I hadn't recognized him; plus we don't go usually don't go around LOOKING for people we have met on the net. But what are the chances of ME staying with that friend and going into THAT bakery with thousands all over the city and us talking? I don't know.

My second example happened when I was leaving Belgrade in 2005. The custom's officer looked mean in the line I was in and had the woman in front of me empty her purse and bag as she looked through them. My heart was racing, even though I didn't have anything illegal for that look she had just plain scared me and I dreaded going across that yellow line. When it was my turn, she grabbed the passport I offered her and looked at the photo hard and then at me, but instead of the scowl, she actually SMILED at me and asked if I enjoyed my visit and my coffee. I was like "Excuse me? My coffee?" and she went on to tell me that she was next to me at the café on Knez two days ago when I was with my friends. She noticed us because not only were we speaking English, but also because we were laughing so much, and my laugh stood out. I couldn't believe it, but I smiled and told her that I loved every minute of my stay and would be back; and with that, she gave me back my passport, and waved me on through. SO again, what are the chances of this happening?? It IS a small, small world.

4. The heart of the Serbian people: This could be one whole topic; and unless you have been there as an outsider, I am not sure you can understand what we who are outsiders really see and feel (and it is NOT what the media portrays at all) when we are there even though by now due to all the bloggers and Youtubers, this fact is now "out there"; but with that said, I would like to offer my own experiences in this area as well. For the most part, Serbs are gracious and hospitable people, case closed. In the three cities I have been to, this has always been the case. However, I was told by many to be careful of taxi drivers due to me being a tourist, yet in all my years there, I was cheated only two times, but once really as the first time when he told me the price, I told him NO and got out. All the other times I used taxis, the drivers were so very helpful and kind (and I must add here, that usually one gets in the front with the driver if you are alone and not the back like here in the states), I was blown away as were my friends when I told them my stories. The two I will share happened in 2005. I had left my phone charger at home, so this one taxi driver tried to help me and went to several places trying to find me one, and when he got lost on one attempt in doing so, he told me he wasn't going to charge me for that trip; and when we still couldn't find one, he told me he had two phones, and I could use his while I was there and to just get a card. And on that same trip when I was leaving, my cabby, who didn't know English, took my hand and tried to comfort me as I was sobbing so hard, I couldn't stop. He hadn't a clue what was wrong with me, but showed compassion beyond the call of duty. Was I just lucky? I am not sure; but what I am sure about is that I have had more positive experiences than negative ones in regards to these taxi-cab drivers who some people had warned me about. And are they still the same?? Well, they were to me when I was there last Sept.

Now as far as the people themselves, when you make friends, they are like no other nor are their families in the way you are treated. When you enter their homes, be prepared to sit and talk and be served food and drink no matter what time of day/night it is. Sometimes you do call ahead, but most of the time it is just like: I know so-and-so is home, let's go over and visit which is totally foreign to many of us in the States where we often stand to talk to neighbors who may come by and where we hardly ever drop by unexpectedly. When you go out in Belgrade, usually people will by rounds as very seldom are their individual checks. I hadn't been to a birthday since 2007, but when my friend had one, it was she who paid for the initial rounds of drinks and not us treating her totally like it is done here. I am not sure if that is still the case, but it was the last time I was there.

And about gifts, you may or may not get any when you arrive, but you will when you leave. Yes, we bring gifts to hosts/friends here in the States, but I hadn't heard much about giving gifts when leaving unless it were a souvenir, but here in Serbia, I have found it to be different as people here have given me gifts of food/candy, rikia, jewelry, scarves, books, souvenir boxes (and one had to stay there due to no room) and last September, even gifts for my new grand daughter. So as a word of advice, leave a little bit of room in your bag especially if you have lots of friends as it never fails to amazes me how people with so little can be so generous.

As I write this, I cannot help but think that more than likely my Kismet, smiling, and the world being a smaller place experiences/events can almost be all tied together somehow, possibly either due to a cause/effect happenstance or a chain of events. But where then does that leave the hearts of the Serbs? Maybe that has also come about due to the cause/effect or chain of events that has occurred in their history as well; but whatever it is, I am just grateful that this country and its people have become a big part of my life.